For Jag

[hollow_moon]

Their time together at his grandfather's had been lovely, and spent mostly in bed. Eventually, however, Val had been forced to return to work, and he was certain Jag would have to do the same.

"I've a lot going on in the next week, but I swear I'll call you the moment I've got it all under control," he'd promised- And he'd been true to his word, inviting Jag to join him for dinner the first chance he got.

He'd considered restaurants, but Jag wasn't much for being spoiled in Val's experience. He'd have gladly cooked a meal for the man himself, but he hadn't had a chance to pick up groceries, and they'd never be delivered on time... So he'd settled on a catered dinner at the museum. Nothing too posh, but a nice mix of South Korean cuisine that he hoped Jag would like. 

Meeting at the museum meant Val could work right up until the moment Jag arrived- Something he didn't find ideal, but was certainly necessary at the moment while they switched out several of the exhibits and went through various requests to lend out certain items.

"I'll leave the back door unlocked," he'd told Jag. "Just let yourself in, I'll likely hear you coming, but if i don't I'll just be in my office."

Comments

[jageskro]

"I..." Jag sighed, unsure what words to use. He'd gone through so many different versions of this explanation in his head, ever since Halloween, but now they all deserted him. "It's not something I knew about myself until... two years ago?" He was having trouble looking Val in the eye, and kept dropping his gaze to their linked hands. "But I like - I like pain, and when someone else is in charge?"

He sounded uncertain about it, not because he was, but because he was very, very uncertain about how Val would take it. He didn't think he had ever willingly put himself in a position that felt so vulnerable.

[hollow_moon]

Val almost looked relieved to be honest. He'd been expecting to hear something far worse. This, however... Well, it wasn't uncommon, actually. Val wasn't sure what it was about him that did so, but he did seem to attract people who liked that sort of thing. ...Maybe it was the boots.

"Oh, right- Domination, or... More than that?" he asked, treading carefully so as not to offend.

[jageskro]

"Yeah, that and - some pain," Jag confirmed, then hurried to add, "But I really enjoy regular sex, too." In case it hadn't been made abundantly clear already, but it felt like something worth saying. "I don't - need it, just, the way you were that night... It - called? - to something in me." Did that make sense? He hoped it did.

[hollow_moon]

Val nodded his understanding, then relaxed. "I get that often, actually. I think it's part of why I got so cross. The wolf senses that sort of thing, and I've had people pursue me in the past purely because they wanted that sort of thing from me," he admitted awkwardly.

"I very much want to make you happy, Jag, but- I don't know. I can get a bit rough in the bedroom, but it's not in my nature to be controlling or cruel. If anything, those are things I work hard to keep under control. ...It's part of how I keep the wolf subdued. In my younger years I let him have too much power- I hurt people, Jag. I physically and emotionally. ...I can't go back to that. I love him, I embrace him, but I know the damage he can do, and I wont allow that."

[jageskro]

"No, no, I'm not - I'm not asking you for anything," Jag assured him in a hurry. Was he blushing? His cheeks felt hot, and he felt ashamed for the part of him that wished things were different. "I don't - I'd never want you to do anything you don't want. I just - I thought I ought to let you know."

[hollow_moon]

"Perhaps it's something that might develop naturally between us," Val suggested. "I don't know- You don't have to be embarrassed though. Everyone has their own wants and desires, Jag."

[jageskro]

"It just," Jag winced, and looked down at their hands again. "It feels fucked up."

[hollow_moon]

"No. No, jag- Not at all," Val frowned, moving closer and resting his hand on the other man's shoulder. "It sparks something within you, and it doesn't sound to me like you're interested in anything dangerous... You simply know what you like, that's all."

[jageskro]

Jag got a lot more from Val's touch than from his words, through no fault of Val. He simply couldn't be talked out of feeling the way he was feeling, but touch always helped. And that Val would touch him willingly, after what he'd just told him, that said something, something real. He looked back up into his eyes, and gave him a small smile. "Thank you. But I - I hope you know. I'm not like them, like the others you've mentioned. I fancy you - like this, not just..."

[hollow_moon]

"I believe you," Val promised, smiling softly and shaking his head. "This feels real, Jag."

[jageskro]

"Good," Jag stated with a small, relieved chuckle. "Good," he added, and leaned in for a kiss, proof that they were all right, that this hadn't changed anything.

[hollow_moon]

Leaning in to meet him, Val kissed him firmly, "I adore you," he whispered, smiling softly.

He wasn't brave enough to use the 'L' word just yet, but he had to say something. he had to try and communicate what it was he felt.

[jageskro]

The whispered words made something warm swell in Jag's chest, to the point that it felt as if he might burst. No one had ever said those words to him, no one had ever used that verb, adore. He didn't know what to do with the feelings in his lungs, so he leaned in for another kiss and tried to pour them all into it. "I don't understand why," he whispered, between one kiss and the next, unwilling to let go of Val's mouth for now.

[hollow_moon]

"Nothing to understand, I just do," Val smiled brightly, returning each kiss and then stroking Jag's hair. "I adore you, and I'm glad to have you in my life."

[jageskro]

"I'm glad to be in it," Jag told him honestly, meeting his gaze, his own warm and oh so thankful. "I just - it feels too good to be true. You seem too good to be true."

[hollow_moon]

"Yeah?" Val smiled. "Well, that's a new one," he laughed, genuinely touched. "No one's ever said that before."

[jageskro]

"No one's ever said they adored me," Jag answered with a shrug, torn between amusement and sheepishness and landing somewhere in the middle. "That makes us even, don't it."

[hollow_moon]

"Do we have to be even? Is that important?" Val asked curiously.

[jageskro]

"Er, that was a joke," Jag winced, then chuckled. "A lame attempt at a joke, apparently."

[hollow_moon]

Val seemed unsure, but he nodded.

"Alright," he replied, nodding. "I just worry sometimes that you think we're on uneven footing."

[jageskro]

"On - what level?" Jag asked with a frown, and really wanted to stop talking about things and spend a little while just being with Val, but he was going to face things head-on for once, instead of running.

[hollow_moon]

"Just... In general, I suppose," Val said, not sure how to explain his thoughts.

[jageskro]

"Financially?" Jag tried and figured out, since it was the most obvious option. "Or socially?"

[hollow_moon]

"Both, I suppose?" Val replied awkwardly. "Maybe I'm reading into it all wrong, but- That seems to be a common theme in any problems we have. Where we come from, where we each stand- It feels a bit silly to pretend it doesn't cause tension. You assume the people I know will- I don't know, look down on you or something? At least, I assume that's what's happening. ...Perhaps you look down on them. I'm not sure. ...And it's not something I know how to deal with. I say things, and I often fear I'm only making it worse."

[jageskro]

"I'm Roma, in all the ways that matter," Jag answered, after a moment. "I'm busking for a living, living in a squat. I nick the odd wallet when I don't make enough. People like you - they usually do look down on me. And yeah, I look down on them right back, when they're priviledged arseholes like that." His thumb had been rhythmically stroking Val's hand, and he squeezed it now. "But you're not."